It’s the cold truth.
To simply put it: I sold out.
Big Ernius has sold out, guys.
I would love to sit here on my computer say I was happier when I was poor. I really would; it makes for a better story and character. But truth is, I wasn’t.
After college, I was dirt poor. No (real) follow-up job to my Media B.A. degree from UC Riverside. Nowhere to go but back home.
The stats of kids getting jobs after college this day and age are sad. Just look them up.
Who am I kidding? I know your lazy, so here’s the link –> http://dailycaller.com/2015/05/15/just-14-percent-of-this-years-college-grads-have-real-jobs-waiting/
And I know you’re too lazy to read any of it, so in short and I quote: “A mere 13 percent of graduate degree recipients will be starting real jobs after they receive their diplomas, according to [a] survey.”
That’s 87% of us college grads with no real jobs right out the gate.
Yeah, I struggled with money. Yeah, I got myself into financial debt. Yeah, my jobs weren’t shit.
It’s true. All of it.
The constant worrying if my card was going to say decline, the “Oh, I would really love to have this, but I can’t even remotely afford it”, the bills piling up, the debt collectors calling, the constant borrowing money from my parents, getting turned down by jobs consistently – All of this is true.
You don’t think that has an effect on a person? On a person self-esteem?
I was miserable.
So what does a person do when he or she feels like they hit rock bottom? My answer: Stay there. Don’t even bother. Why get up when you know you’re going to fall down again?
Depressing shit huh?
But that was how I felt sometimes.
In the mist of all this depressing shit however, I still believe in myself. I had to. Only reason why I got up in the morning.
I said screw it, it is what it is.
I started to look at my situation from a different angle: Okay, so I don’t make money, it doesn’t mean I can’t ball out on a budget.
Paid off the toxic bills off first. It sucked, but I managed. (Shout out to my parents for holding me down).
I said “Ern, you broke – so what do you have?” Myself.
I know what I am and what I am not. I knew what I liked. I knew I like movies. I knew I like to write. I knew of youtube, I knew of podcasts, I knew of the free entertainment there was out there. Music. My blog.
So an idea started to form as well: The Durp Show Podcast!
My blog turned into my website.
All at the same time, I did something about my physical health.
I changed. I had to.
Which led to certain things. Mostly notably a job. A full time job.
Now I ain’t even gonna front: My dad hooked me with the job, but I like to tell him, he just opened the door, I’m the one that still had to go through it. I still had to kill that interview.
Which I did.
Then, overnight, I went from living below the poverty line to making 4 times as much as I did before (no, seriously – I did the math).
So when I say I sold out, I mean I sold out on my creative ideas. This site, my podcast, my free time (which led to these ideas).
I sacrificed a lot to ensure I can do well by my current job.
I know people with college degrees, with masters – making a lot less than me.
People, my fellow colleagues, have struggled to find work even after they intern for top spots.
It’s tough out there.
So can you blame me?
Can you blame me for taking a well paying job (with benefits and all that other good stuff) when I know the bleak reality of the real world?
What was I suppose to do? I took the money. I sold out.
That’s the real reason why I haven’t followed up with my blog, why I haven’t done any new podcast episodes, why I don’t stay posting on social media: I’m busy-ish. With my job. And getting paid.
But then I feel guilty.
During all my struggles I remained myself. And in turn, became friends with A LOT of my co-workers. Got invested in their lives. Their struggles.
I feel like I made it out of a war zone, and they haven’t.
For some my friends, they’re still in that constant struggle. At the same time, things keep getting better and better for me.
Life ain’t fair.
It’s this damn dollar bill we all chase, and we all need.
It’s a trip.
Side story: Just came back from Mexico. Cousin came with. Cousin saw the people in his Mom’s (and mine Mom’s as well) hometown and notice something – He said people seem so happy here. He said it’s like people live care-free. Stress free. And they’re poor. Cousin felt like he felt miserable here in the States b/c he had some many money issues. I told him, it might seem that way, but there’s stress here. They make the best out of their lives, but it can be a lot better if they had more money. We have it better over here Stateside. And that’s the truth.
At the end of my rant, I want you to know a few things:
I am very bless and I have a lot to be thankful for.
I am not jealous of anyone else’s success. Some people are more success than me, I understand that.
But don’t try to discredit any my accomplishments, because I have been to the top and bottom. I have failed and won.
I would also LOVE to continue to do The Durp Show Podcast if I had more free time.
For those out there still struggling, grind on.
Fingers cross and hope for the best.
Because life, my friends, ain’t fair.