#YallCantTellMeNothing – A Short Memoir by ezb14

I dropped 70 pounds in 6 months. Y’all can’t tell me nothing.

A Short Memoir by ezbizzle.

Fat Ern Skinny Ern


I’ve always been a big guy. Since I was little. My mom would over feed me flour tortillas with butter, and I loved eating that type of stuff. Thus creating a unhealthy habit for myself.

I went to school. And I grew and grew. Length-wise and sideways. I graduated High School and kinda leveled off. I went to college and graduated from there too. Gaining a lil bit of weight in the process. Then, I sadly, came back home and hit my heaviest.

I was over 300 pounds by January 2015.

Note: I never felt like I was fat tho.


It was February 19th, 2015. I woke up around 10 AM. It was around noon when I decided to eat left over pizza, half a burrito, then around 3PM I went to Starbucks – bought a latte and chocolate chip croissant, and lastly, ate KFC for dinner.

Needless to say, that day of shitty eating lead to one of my worst stomach aches ever.

I couldn’t sleep. And I went from Midnight to 2 in the morning with a huge pain inside my belly.

I couldn’t even shit. And I was nauseated to the max.

I drank a laxative mixture which only made the matters worse.

Around 3 AM I finally gave in and I threw up all the food I had eaten. My digestive system couldn’t hold it any longer.

Note: Throwing up is NEVER fun.

Around 4 AM and the pain is not stopping. I am exhausted. Dehydrated. I turn to the only other solution I can think of: God

I prayed to God. I asked if He really was out there, if He can grant me a few hours of sleep, I would change my ways.

Note: This isn’t the first time I’ve made this deal with God, and this wasn’t the first time I’ve threw up because of “over eating”. CC: 2012.


I woke up around 6 AM. Still not feeling better. But I was awake so yolo.

I turned on my laptop and started my research.

Note: I have NEVER in my life had attempted to lose weight.

The difference between me and the rest of the world when they go about losing weight is that a lot of people are just going about it by hearsay.

People hear this food is healthy for you, so they eat it. They hear this is a good exercise for you, so they do it.

Me? I did my research from the ground up.

What followed for the next two hours that morning was a bunch of google tabs opened on my browser.

I looked at the science behind it.

I did not google “Fastest ways to lose weight“, instead I looked for what types of enzymes does our body produce to help burn fat.

I looked at changing my ways and I was serious about it this time. Word to God.

I woke up hungry that morning.

I did my research on fasting and its effectiveness.

I realize that I was still dealing with my stomach ache from the night before, and (I realized from my research) the only way I could really hit the reset button was to go on a 24-hour fasting run.

I did. It was Friday, February 20th, 2015.  I didn’t eat until Saturday 7 AM the next morning.

I went 30 (plus) hours without eating, only drinking water.

I really scared myself that first night. The 20th of February.

I had the urge to go to the bathroom. To go drop a deuce. But it was weird because I haven’t eaten all day.

I got up from my computer still doing my health research and sat on the toilet.

What happened next is very disturbing. I shitted, but it wasn’t solid at all.

It was all liquid.

I freaked out. I couldn’t remember the last time this had ever happened.

I got up from the toilet and looked to see what the damage was.

It wasn’t pretty. It was all waste. More that 24 hours without eating, just drinking water, led to this.

It was another sign that I needed to take this seriously.

The next day, I had a blueberry milkshake and went for a walk with my mom.

I discuss with my mom what I had found from doing my research and how I was going about doing it so.

My mom had told me plenty of times to start hitting the gym, but I never listen.

Like I said, I never saw myself as fat. Sure, I was big. But that didn’t stop me from being the smart, good-looking, charismatic kinda guy I was.

I had a determination to make this goal happen, however.

I knew it was going to be hard. According to my brother’s words, nearly impossible for me to lose weight.

But I was determined to never go through another night like that ever again.


I will admit, I was nowhere near where I wanted to be in life. I had barely started launching The Durp Show Podcast.  My only focus was on that.

But everything else took the back drop.

My health became my number one priority above every thing else since that night.

I decided that this was a personal battle I’m going to keep off social media.

Therefore, fast forward six months and you have never seen me once talk about weight loss on twitter, instagram or facebook.

But today is a big moment. It is now more than 6 months since I started, and I don’t want to stop now.

Here’s what I did:

I drank only water.

I cut out all my booze (I do enjoy a good alcoholic beverage every once in awhile), all the soda I drank (it wasn’t all a lot but it was a constant), juices, ice coffee (I still love you baby – I’m coming back for you!) and so on. With the exception of having milk for breakfast.

I did cardio.

I suck at running. But I can walk for long periods of time. Not fast either, but I have this stamina about me that keeps me going. In doing my research, the best way to lose weight (not build muscle) is cardio – running, walking, swimming, or bicycling. I can’t swim, and I don’t have a bike, there goes those options. Luckily, I live in a great neighborhood with a nice street for cardio.

I change my sleeping habits.

I love to sleep guys. And truthfully, I wasn’t getting enough of it. It was very erratic; most nights I would stay up late but wake up early, feeling groggy all day. It was bad.

A healthier diet

I never saw myself as fat because I didn’t fat guy tendencies (or so i thought). I would only eat twice a day, almost always skipping breakfast. The choices I would make when eating were unhealthy but filling. I often overate or ate before I went to bed.

Once a week, I went on a 24-hour water wasting.

This is the little known secret to my success in dropping weight. It’s true. One way to lose weight is to simply stop eating. But doing it in a healthy way. Have breakfast – that’s your most important meal. Then just skip lunch, your snack and dinner, and then go to sleep. Also, DO NOT do any cardio, or any activities for that matter. Stay your ass at home. Listen to music, read a book, or take a nap to pass the time. I would work on my podcast. The following day, jump start your metabolism with a blueberry milkshake and push yourself when exercising.

Biggest keys to success: Determination, Time and Consistency.

When I first started this diet and exercise routine, I had a temporary supervisor at work who cut my hours for the next few weeks to a criminally low amount.

I had time.

Why wouldn’t I do this?

Plus, it gave me a personal struggle to retell for the podcast. CC: Episode 7 Part 3.

The hardest part was the consistency.

The first day I started eating again (that following Saturday), I was already telling myself that I could go back to eating the way I was.

The very first day I started to eat healthy!

In mind mind I was trying to rationalize it like “Hey man, you already went one full day without eating, that’s enough. I know your hungry, just go and eat some Panda express, nobody has to know. ”

Truth of the matter is, it sucked. Eating a salad for dinner sucked. Being hungry at night, sucked. But I toughed it out because I knew I was stronger.

It went like that for the following few days.

Note: 10 days is all it took for me to notice a difference. A noticeable difference.

When I first started, I also told myself I wasn’t going to look at the scale. It wasn’t about being skinny, it was about being healthy, I told myself.

Two months went by and everybody in my family asked me how much I lost. I was thinking maybe 15 pounds, but I reluctantly stepped on the scale and, to my surprise, had dropped 30 pounds!

It was such a quick turn around I was surprise at how fast it all was going.

For those looking to lose weight, let me tell you, it is easy. But you have to be committed and have the damn time.

Put in the time and know it is not ever going to happen over-night.


I have to buy new clothes now. Ugh.

I was fly fat guy b/c my style was on point.

But it went from – I can’t fit in this shirt anymore – to – this shirt is too big for me now.

I dropped down two shirt sizes, and two pants sizes.

I get jocked by females more frequently. I was already happy with the amount of female attention at my heaviest, but now, all I can say is watch out ladies!

I saved money by avoiding going out to eat.

I surprisingly feel shorter tho.

My family in proud of me. But most importantly, I’m proud of myself. Dropping 70 pounds in 6 months ain’t nothing to be ashamed of.


I know everybody wants to tell people how to lose weight. I know everybody thinks they’re an expert at health and fitness.

But I don’t claim to be none of that.

I’m just telling you guys what worked for me.

One of the things I also told myself is that I was going to stop with the fasting in 6 months. Which I am.

But I also told myself that after 6 months, I was going to go back to eating what I want, when I want.

I can’t do that anymore.

I’m use to my schedule. I’m use to doing cardio.

Don’t get it twisted, I’m still a fatty at heart, and I do want to eat bacon and all that other good stuff, but I know it’s not the end of the world if I choose to eat a Kale salad instead.

I know I said this was going to be a short memoir but I thank you for reading all of this.

As gift here’s Avengers: Age of Ultron (2015) for your viewing pleasure.

Click on the picture to stream!

  • ezbizzle outz

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