Why I was Sad this weekend….

*Sigh*

Picture this: you’re at the basketball championship, 3 seconds left on the clock, you need to hit a 3 to win, you get the ball with two seconds, the whole team is counting on you, you take the shot, the game-buzzer sounds in mid-air, the ball is flying towards the basket, everybody is on their feet, the world is standing still for just a second as the ball floats and spins in the air, and then…. Miss.

Game over.

Well, that’s not what happened to me. Hell, I don’t even play basketball that often. But its that feeling of disappointment that I think is pretty much universal. I felt like I just lost a championship…. Big time.

This weekend I felt like I let my friends, my family, and myself down. I failed within my own standards, and that’s a difficult thing to admit and accept.

It probably shouldn’t be a surprise to know that I’m actually a really bad sore loser. Just ask some of my closest friends. Ha!

I was in class this Friday, early, checking my email, when I saw that the grad- school I applied for had made a decision on my application, I couldn’t wait, so I checked it on my phone right then and there. I was nervous, I ain’t gonna lie. I felt confident in my application but I knew that there was a possibility I wouldn’t get accepted.

And then…. Miss. Game Over.

I’ll say this, if I did get accepted, I would have been feeling like the SHIT (in a good way). I would have been on cloud 9, 10 and 11! I would have bragged about it all weekend, on twitter, in this blog, on facebook (Ugh – I don’t like facebook though). I’ve would have called my parents, friends, and colleagues to brag about this. I’ve would have been celebrating this weekend with a nice vodka gimlet.Β  I would have been “Ballin Outta Control”.

But sadly, that’s what didn’t happen this weekend.

I informed my parents of this lost, and got their support regardless. I didn’t want to talk to them though. So I stayed inside my apartment, and kept to myself. I didn’t update my twitter for a shocking full 48 hours. And this is coming from a guy who has tweeted every single day for NEARLY 2 years since he first joined! No joke.

I haven’t felt this upset since when me and this “one chick” went our separate ways this summer. (I would call this “one chick” out by name, but she might actually read this later on, so I won’t).

Its though, I tell you, to admit defeat. It really is.

But that doesn’t mean its the end of the road for me. Hell no. I understand that there’s always next year. And I understand this doesn’t mean I failed completely, I’m still graduating with a Bachelors degree in the spring, first in my family. I still got a 3.5 upper-division GPA, made the Dean’s List more than once or twice, and meet some cool people along the way. This doesn’t mean I’m not killing it at work right now (because I am killing it). And I know life is going to move on, but just for this weekend, life stood still for me.

I raised my flag at half-staffed this weekend. Isolated myself from social media, and just reflected.

The picture in this post? Oh, that’s something that reminds me of a song from my favorite rapper who spits “Hiding behind the tears of a clown,”.Β  Because sometimes, I tend to do that. Real Talk.

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